


death doesn’t discriminate

by caitlesshea



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Past Injury, Quick Healing, mentions of injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitlesshea/pseuds/caitlesshea
Summary: James pulls Booker’s motorcycle helmet from its hook by the door and hands it to him. The argument that he’ll survive any crash is on the tip of his tongue but he takes the helmet and nods instead.He turns without another look back and it isn’t until he’s been riding for at least thirty minutes that he lets the tears fall.OrWhen Booker finally realizes he loves James, is it too late?
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre/James Copley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 97





	death doesn’t discriminate

**Author's Note:**

> Contrary to the title, no one dies in this, I promise. 
> 
> But, it is more angst than fluff, especially for these two. 
> 
> As usual, Booker's a little slow on the uptake and Nile has no time for his shit.

“Nile called. She said they did a recon mission in Brazil, blew up some buildings.”

Booker waits a moment, makes sure James is fully in the room before speaking again.

“She said it could’ve been a solo job.”

“She wasn’t supposed to tell you.” James mumbles as he stands next to him. 

Booker turns towards him, ready for an argument, when he sees the wary expression on James’ face. 

“Why?”

James turns away from him and starts pacing the length of the room. Booker thinks momentarily that he should’ve started this conversation in the office and not their bedroom, but he can’t change it now. 

“James. Why?” 

At the sound of his name, James turns toward him with wide, almost terrified eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It  _ does  _ matter.” Booker crosses his arms as he leans against the dresser and stares at James. “Why didn’t you give me the job?”

“Because.” 

“Because  _ why _ ?”

“I  _ couldn’t _ .”

Booker scoffs. “You couldn’t?”

“Mm.”

“Why?” Booker moves closer to James as he shoves his hands in his pockets. “ _ Why?” _

“He said you were in pieces!” 

Booker freezes and it feels like all of the air has been sucked out of his lungs. 

“What?” Booker breathes out and it’s the only sound in the room. 

James rubs at his face like he’s mad at himself for letting that slip. 

“The church, after the grenade, the report back was that you were in pieces.” James’ breath catches on the word  _ pieces _ and Booker stares at him incredulously.

“I healed.” Booker says slowly, as the dawning realization that James had cared for him, even then, sinks into him.

“You won’t always.” 

“Not for a long time.” 

“Just look at Andy!”

Booker feels like he’s been slapped and James realizes what he said a moment too late. 

“Sébastien.”

“No.” Booker takes a deep breath.  _ “No.” _

Suddenly he can’t be here, in their room, in their house, with  _ James.  _ Booker bodies his way out of their bedroom and starts moving through their house, collecting his keys, wallet, and phone. 

He knows he needs to say something,  _ anything _ , but he can’t get the words out from where they’re lodged in his throat.

Before he makes it to the door he turns to look at James and almost stops what he’s doing at the tears in James’ eyes. This isn’t how Booker saw this conversation going, this isn’t how he  _ wanted  _ it to go. 

James pulls Booker’s motorcycle helmet from its hook by the door and hands it to him. The argument that he’ll survive any crash is on the tip of his tongue but he takes the helmet and nods instead. 

He turns without another look back and it isn’t until he’s been riding for at least thirty minutes that he lets the tears fall. 

When his phone won’t stop buzzing he finally pulls over to look at it. He wants to rip his helmet off and throw it into the grass as far as it will go, but he stops himself. 

He sees a few texts from Nile and one from James and because he’s nothing if not a masochist he reads that one first. 

[James: I’m sorry]

Booker wipes at his eyes and instead of reading the string of texts from Nile he decides to call her.

“What the  _ fuck _ did you say to him?!” Nile seethes on the other end of the phone without so much as a hello. 

“I didn’t…”

“Don’t make me call Quynh.”

Booker sighs and a feeling of helplessness settles in his gut. 

“We got into a fight.”

“No shit.”

“Nile.”

“You need to fix this Booker.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Booker hangs his head because he  _ knows _ that’s not true. 

He knows it only escalated because he got scared when James admitted to caring about him even  _ then.  _

“You better. He requested to join us on our next job, he’ll be in Berlin tonight and we head out tomorrow.”

“Job? What are you talking about?”

“Some trafficking ring. The meetup happened yesterday and we’re taking them out tomorrow, he asked to join.”

“He can’t!”

“ _ Well _ . He is. So you need to fix this.”

“The house in Berlin?”

“Booker.”

“Dammit, Nile.”

He can hear her sigh over the phone. He knows he’s breaking every rule they have in place that allows him to speak to Nile and Quynh, and sometimes Andy, but never affords him the opportunity to join them on jobs. 

They don’t even know he’s dating James. Or was. 

_ Fuck _ . 

“Please.” Booker isn’t above begging. He knows the kind of people on this job that they’ll be dealing with, he can’t let James go into that, CIA training be damned. 

“We’re at the house in Berlin.”

“Thank you.”

“And Booker?” Nile waits until she confirms he’s listening. “He was crying.”

She hangs up,  _ after  _ she twists the knife he was already feeling in his chest. 

“Fuck.” Booker groans, wipes more tears from his eyes and heads to the private plane hangar they use and asks for a flight to Berlin. 

When he gets to their safe house in Berlin he wants to scream. Nile, the asshole, said the job was tomorrow. 

What she  _ didn’t _ say was that it was in the dead of night. 

So, now he’s a couple of hours behind when James got here, and Booker can tell he’s already been here because his laptop is on the table, but they’re all gone. For however long this job takes. 

Booker  _ really  _ doesn’t want to get caught in the safe house when they return so he heads out to a café until he can get Nile to let them know they’re back. 

He’s barely taken a sip of his coffee when his phone rings.

“Nile.”

“You’re in Berlin?”

“You know I am.” Booker grits out.

“Copley’s hurt.” 

The blood drains from Booker’s face and he sways where he stands. 

“What?”

“It’s bad. Can you meet us?”

“Tell me where you are.”

She rattles off some address and he’s already jumping on his motorcycle before she even finishes. 

Fear, like he’s never known, grips him to the point where he knows he’s a mess. He barely manages to contain the sob caught in his chest as he finally makes it to their location.

Nothing matters except getting to James. Booker doesn’t even take out his gun as he runs into the building. 

He barely has a chance to take stock of the situation, which is, a lot of dead bodies and the people he considers family all sitting around James as they check him over.

Booker feels like he can’t move. There’s so much blood, more than he feels like he’s ever seen before, which he knows isn’t true, but it’s coming from  _ James _ , and it matters.

“Sébastien?” James croaks out and Booker doesn’t hesitate, he slides down next to James, pushing Nicky out of the way, who protests until he sees the look on Booker’s face. 

Booker’s frantically looking over James, who looks surprisingly okay for someone sitting in so much blood.

“Sébastien.” James grabs his hands and stills them. 

Booker looks at him and then back to Nile and narrows his eyes at her sheepish look.

“She said you were hurt.” Booker whispers and James nods at him but lifts his shirt to show him his bloody stomach. 

“I don’t.” Booker shakes his head. “He needs a doctor!” 

It’s not lost on Booker that the placement of the wound is very similar to the one Booker obtained at the church in France. 

_ The wound they were arguing about. Healed but not.  _

“We can’t take him to one.” Andy says quietly.

“We have to. He’ll die.”

“Sébastien.”

Booker turns to look at James as he coughs wetly.

“No.” Booker swallows. “ _ No.” _

Booker fumbles for his phone and calls one of James’ contacts that he set up for Andy should she ever need medical help.

“What are you doing?” Joe asks him and Booker shoves him back.

“I’m getting him help.”

At their blank stares he growls. “Do you really think he’d just let Andy die if she was hurt?”

No one says anything and Booker feels anger coursing through him that they still thought so little of James.

“You can either leave or you can stay.” Booker grits out.

Thankfully they all keep quiet and in no time at all Booker’s sitting in a waiting room in a hospital waiting to hear if James is going to survive. 

Booker feels like his nerves are so frayed he’s going to come apart at the seams. He can’t get his legs to stop shaking, either. 

Nicky settles his hand on Booker’s knee and Booker looks over at his brother with watery eyes.

“He’ll be okay.” Nicky says quietly and Booker shakes his head. 

“You don’t know that.”

“Have a little faith, Book.” Andy says from where she’s leaning against a wall.

He laughs as he tips his head up toward the ceiling.

“How long has this been going on?” Joe asks as he squats in front of Nicky’s chair. 

Booker doesn’t want to answer, wants to tell them it’s none of their business since they decided to exile him, but.

“Since London.” 

Booker looks around at everyone. Nile’s smiling, Quynh has a grin that looks suspiciously like the Cheshire Cat. Andy looks tired and Joe and Nicky have their heads tilted to the side like they’re wondering just how much they missed.

“Not here. We’ll talk at the safe house.” Andy decides and Booker nods. 

They’re finally allowed back to see James and Booker can vaguely hear the doctor explaining something about a miracle and fast healing organs when he see James sitting up in bed, smiling. 

Booker rushes over to him and grabs his hands.

“I healed faster than I should have.” James says quietly to him and Booker  _ looks _ at him and James pulls up his shirt to show his unblemished stomach.

Booker doesn’t hesitate he just leans down to hug James as best he can while he  _ weeps _ tears of joy. 

James puts his face to Booker’s cheek and kisses it once.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. I’m sorry, too.” Booker doesn’t think he needs to admit just how scared he was, and how he understands now why James didn’t want Booker running headfirst into danger.

“I love you.” James whispers and Booker feels the tears well up again.

“I love you, too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come find me on tumblr - same username!


End file.
